Toxic friends

I’m about 95% positive everyone has a toxic friend in their life. Probably more than just one actually. A toxic friend is someone who won’t necessarily be mean/awful to your face but after you are around them your life gets more complicated. These toxic friends can sabotage any and all areas of your life including: other friendships, romantic relationships, your job, your social encounters, and your overall happiness. A toxic friend can be just your typical Debbie Downer or s/he can be a manipulative bee-otch.

The Debbie Downer won’t purposefully try to make you as miserable as her but it can and will happen easily. I used to have a friend like this (key phrase used to)- we’ll call her Debbie. Anytime I asked Debbie how she was she would respond negatively. Nothing was ever going right in her life and nothing ever would. She hated what she was studying in school. She disliked her job. She hated living in Cape. Her roommates were terrible. Blah blah blah. I mean, if she had won the lottery she wouldn’t have been happy- she would have just complained about having to pay taxes on it. And so when Debbie would tell me about this I’d try to offer advice “why not switch your major” or “look for a new job” or “look for new roommates or a different place to live”. Nope. She wouldn’t even think of taking this advice. Switching her major now would be a waste. Finding a new job or new living conditions would be too hard. I understand that everyone-myself included- has bad days and we usually turn to our friends to help cheer us up. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you have a friend that is always negative about everything no matter what- that’s toxic and it will bring you down. Yes we want to help our friends- but you can’t help someone that refuses to help him/herself. It just won’t work. Since severing ties with “Debbie” a couple years ago- I am a much happier person. I kinda feel bad for whoever Debbie attached herself to next- I feel like I should have sent a note with her saying “Warning- this chick will make you depressed. Run now”.

Another toxic friend is the manipulator. This type of person makes me extremely angry. A manipulator will purposefully make you feel guilty for everything that is going well in your life. They will also sabotage your life to make you as miserable as they are. And why do they do this? Because they are awful people. Plain and simple. The are jealous that they don’t have what you do- so instead of sharing your joys they try to twist it around and spoil it for you.

I have known many girls who, because they can’t get a boyfriend or be in a serious relationship since they’re awful people, will sabotage their friends’ relationships.  Now these girls will not have legitimate concerns that their friend is in a bad relationship (i.e. that the boyfriend is abusing them, isolating them, etc.).  They sabotage the relationship so they won’t feel left out and to make their friends dependent on their friendship instead. And these girls will not do it out in the open. They’ll plant a little seed of doubt or mistrust in their friend’s (or her boyfriend’s) mind to make them argue about anything and everything. They’ll make their friend feel guilty for spending time away from them to be with the boyfriend. Basically this manipulator will be stabbing everyone in the back and somehow get away with because no one will confront her. The friend is too nice or feels guilty for having what her friend doesn’t. The boyfriend won’t say anything because he doesn’t feel he has the right.

I’m saying you should call this girl out right now. She has no right to try to make you miserable for being in a healthy relationship. She is jealous because deep down no one actually likes her. People might say they do or feel sorry for her since she isn’t in a relationship but honestly-no.No one truly likes this chick once they see through what she is trying to do.  If she really is your friend, she should be happy that you are in a healthy relationship and keep the jealousy to herself.

Same type of thing- the friend who makes you feel bad for being a happy, out-going person. I make friends or at least talk to people rather easily because I smile and listen and generally make people feel like I want to talk with them. I used to have several friends who were not like this. They tried to make me feel bad for being this way. And yet they complained about how they never seemed to meet new people. For example:

When we are out in public and I start talking to other people, these friends would roll their eyes, get their phones out, and completely shut themselves off from the whole encounter. I understand that it is awkward when your friend knows people you don’t and starts talking to them, leaving you out of the conversation, but that’s not what I’m talking about. It was when I met complete strangers and start talking with them that my “friends” got mad. They would say “of course people come up to you and want to talk. No one ever comes up to me and starts a conversation like that.” And I would think, “Well dear, that’s because you’re making a face that says you hate everyone. Who would want to start a conversation with that kind of person?” For that matter why did I still want to be friends with them??!! I finally stopped apologizing to them for being myself. Now I refuse to feel guilty for being able to talk to people and make new friends. It’s not easy but it’s definitely worth it.

Toxic friends  are awful. They’re fun suckers. Joy suckers.  They basically just completely suck. Yes, it’s hard to cut them out of your life-but trust me, you’re so much happier when they’re gone!! When that toxic friend is gone, all your other relationships improve and you’re a much happier person overall. And you deserve to be surrounded by people who truly are your friends and want you to be happy. So there.

 

 

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